My Face.
Read My Mind.
I always wonder if the people who are in my age group and who are in love realize what they promise.
I like the idea of love but some people think it’s ok to say and promise things when they are in love that make no sense.
When I fall in love If I ever fall in love while I’m young, I want it to be a little bit of a realistic love.
I dont want it to be lackluster or dull. I don’t want it to end after the good morning texts are sent … I want it to be spontaneous but realistic. I will mean everything I say when I’m in love but I’m not gonna say some crazy shit like ” You light up my world like nobody else”. No bitch you really dont though….Con Edision lights up my world like nobody else, maybe my view will change when you turn into a candle or something, but as of right now you aint lighting shit up.
If I ever fall in love while I’m young, I cant promise trips to Paris or Africa, but we can do a road trip across some states or go to Six Flags. Right now I cant do that much.
I think a lot of people fall in love with the idea of falling in love and get so wrapped up that they say dumb shit. People’s feelings get hurt when you make promises you cant keep. And sometimes we scare each other. Maybe the person you love isn’t sure about getting married and when you bring up the idea, he/she panics. It’s probably because the two of you are too young for that.
If I meet someone tomorrow, or even end up with someone I already know now, I cant make promises about the rest of my life when I haven’t even lived 30% of it. I will say things that I mean, but I will say things that she can actually believe.
When I was young.. probably like 9 or 10 idk…..my mom got me a gameboy color and it was the purple transparent one and I was sooo happy. We only had 1 TV in my house and my older siblings never gave me a chance to watch it when they were home so when Christmas came and I saw my gameboy I wasss sooo happy. And my mom had got me an Aladdin game. I literally played it so much that my mom had to bring home batteries once a week.
The following summer we went back to Antigua and I met this little boy called Abiel.(Ab—ee- el) and he saw me playing it and he told me how much he really wanted one but he couldnt get one, so I just gave him mines.
When my mom found out she was upset at first because she had spent so much on it, but then she was so proud of me and I didn’t really get why she was proud of me. I was just trying to make the little kid happy.
But I didnt give him the Aladdin game… I gave him Super Mario Bros.. I liked Super Mario Bros more and I figured that he would like it more too….
That’s a random piece of my childhood lol.
Sometimes I don’t even want to acknowledge certain feelings because to act upon them would be wrong. But I cant get these feelings to go away.
I am taking a road trip some time towards the end of the summer from NYC down to Florida. I want to stop in every state(or every other one) at least once and meet new people and hold interesting conversations. Hopefully I can.
……..
And im getting spiderman briefs to wear to bed soon so when i wake up i will feel like I can take on the city.
That is all.
I fell asleep last night and dreamed about someone cutting my locs off. I was so upset that I woke up depressed. When I went to shower, looked in the mirror, and saw that all of my hair was still attached to my head, I experienced a joy like no other.
*shrugs*
“The vision people hold of the the world to come is but a reflection, with predictable wishful distortions, of the world in which they live.” - Baldwin
That’s the problem with religion.For example, it is often forgotten that the Holy Bible was written by men and translated from languages that most don’t even know how to go about interpreting.Surely a text that has been envisioned and written by men from different parts of the world who spoke different languages can not hold the same truths for all men.
We don’t see the same world. We interpret words and contexts differently. My realm does not extend past the East side of the states and I view this small part of the world with a double consciousness. I digress.
The point is that America survives off the existence of the “other”. There has to be an other so that the “superior” can exist. The other is always darker, more barbaric, illiterate, criminal, abnormal, homosexual and other than protestant in this part of the world. This is not my truth. This is the truth that I read and I view.
And we wonder why people are atheist? Because those who hold the Bible in their hand envision Heaven to look like their Earth. So if “others” exists on Earth, then they must exist in Heaven. When black people are savage, white people are civilized by default. We think most immigrants are lazy Mexicans (this is so wrong) so we forget that America was started by immigrants. We condemn gay people so that we can forgive murderers. And rape “isn’t real” so we victimize those who are raped (mostly women) for the sanctity of the rapists (mostly men). It’s all a fucked up system. A lot of Christians think they will get into Heaven because there sins are a little bit “better” than the sins of someone else.
So what do I believe?
I believe in God and I believe in Jesus. I’m just not a Bible fundamentalist.
Don’t know what to believe? Start reading and you’ll find something.
Tonight I’m gonna read The Fire Next time by Baldwin. I feel like bouncing between him , Morrison, and Ralph Ellison this summer. I like Baldwin because he’s smart. He dumbs down his argument and takes racially charged oppression to explain a colorless problem. It’s brilliant. Morrison does quite a bit of that and Ellison is just a BOSS cuz of what he did in Invisible man. I can read African American Lit all day. SIDE NOTE: James Baldwin was gay =]
14 friends, 8 hours, 1 island.
I need more days like today. Building sand castles, holding my breath under water, and playing football on the shore. This will be a day that I will never forget.
The people I’ve met and the relationships I’ve developed this year are unbelievable. I truly feel blessed and I hope that these people never walk out of my life. Everything is good right now. There’s nothing that I want…. well not really. Everything is cool. These are the days that I live for. Seeing people smile and making people laugh makes me happy. It’s a good feeling. Today was a great day.
Who’s hiding?….Shiii I ain’t hiding.
I don’t like the term “coming out”. It implies that I’m hiding. It implies that I’m a coward or I have a fear. Secrets get hid, lies get hid. I’m not hiding a lie or a secret. But all of a sudden “I’m coming out to you”. Coming out… but why? When I tell you my favorite food … am I coming out as well? Or when I reveal that I own a Flat screen TV, am I coming out? What’s the difference between me not telling you that I’m gay and that my favorite colors are blue and green? Not a damn thing.
The only reason why you see it as me “coming out” is because majority of the world is straight. The dominant culture has taught you to assume that everyone is straight, which is wrong. This is when the insensitivity of the majority is turned into the crime of the minority. Because you assumed that I was straight, you’ve concluded that I have been hiding the fact that I am gay; When in actuality I’ve been gay all along and you’ve just been assuming that I was straight.
I’m not coming out. I’m not hiding.You just couldn’t see me because your eyes were closed all along.